Coping with the Loss of Your Mom on Mother's Day
Another Mother’s Day is upon us and admittedly my emotions are all over the chart. I lost my sweet mama three years ago and the thought of not celebrating with her is surreal. Some days the tears just flow. Other days I'm remembering the special times we had together and I smile.
Whether I like it or not, things have changed. Her loss is still a reminder of the gaping hole that feels a mile wide. So how do I cope with the loss of mom on Mother's Day?
"Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate." Proverbs 31:31
Deal with Reality When it Hits
Reality can hit each of us hard. Maybe visiting her favorite stores brings back memories of days gone by. Or maybe when we’re perusing the Mother’s Day card display out of habit and we realize we’re not buying a card this year. I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t prepared for the swell of emotions that occurred. Tears well in my eyes and my throat tightens just thinking about my mom and the fact that she’s no longer here with me to fuss over and treat like a queen. But instead of getting mired down in the sadness I try to focus on the good times. I continue to think:
- Did I spend enough time with her?
- Could I have been more patient with her?
- Were our conversations always filled with kind words?
I know that God doesn’t want us to sink in doubt or second guess ourselves. He wants us to remember that a mother and her love is a direct reflection of His love. He wants us to remember her sacrifices and her devotion to her family.
I was blessed to spend a lot of time with my mom. We lived close and I was able to visit her several times a week. I also made it a priority to talk with her every single day--sometimes multiple times a day just to check in. Oh, how I miss this sweet time. She was loyal, loved fiercely, and had my back.
I would also love to tell you that every conversation we had in the last few years was void of any conflict, but I cannot. She needed to go to her doctor appointments, but sometimes she just wouldn’t. I’m sure I sounded like a mother scolding her daughter, but I did it because I loved her. Then there were times when she would tell us to clean up or throw away, only to supervise what would stay and what could go. Regardless of the discussions, I always made sure at the end of each visit that I kissed her, told her I loved her, and that I would see her soon. That held true all the way to her drawing her last breath. I am grateful for the time we had together.
God's Word tells us we're to love unselfishly and fiercely. We’re to be loyal and care for others. Mothers are special individuals and they deserve our respect, gentleness, and kindness because they are a beautiful example of God’s love.
Right now I would love nothing more than to be with my mama to celebrate her special day.
Maybe you feel the same way. Maybe you're feeling the same sadness and tears because you've suffered your own loss.
Whichever it is, I know this--I miss her terribly. Some days I wake up thinking about her with tears rolling down my cheeks. Other days, I smile up at her, tell her I love her, and keep moving forward. That's what she would want.
Since I can’t see my mama face-to-face, hear her sweet voice, or say I love you, I’ll remember her as the best mother ever. I’m grateful for the sacrifices she made for me, for the love she so unconditionally showered, and most importantly, for the legacy she left me, my sister, and her grandchildren.
Whether your situation is recent or you've been without your mom for years, it's okay to cry and grieve. As I encounter yet another Mom’s Day, here are five ways I’m remembering my mama. Regardless of the emotions I'm facing, I'm choosing to focus on what I have rather than what I don’t. I hope they help you too.
I loved my mom for many reasons, but I’m especially thankful for her strength and grace. She faced some tough journeys in her life, but she always came out on the other side a stronger, more confident and courageous woman. She made sure we were raised with those same attributes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. Proverbs 31:25 NLT
Be Thankful for Her Example
I’m grateful for the way my mom treated and cared for others. She was kind, loving and gracious to those around her.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude, it does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV
I'm thankful for the impact mom had on my life. We don’t always recognize a mom's powerful influence until years later when we find ourselves in her same shoes.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Ephesians 6:2 ESV
Give Yourself Some Grace
It’s okay to be sad one minute and happy the next. The emotions will come quickly and often, but give yourself some grace. Take time to mourn and grieve--it’s necessary. You're dealing with the loss of your mom and God is there to guide you every step of the way.
"Therefore you too have grief now; but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you.” John 16:22
Surround Yourself with People You Love
Today I'm choosing to honor my mother by celebrating those who are a part of her legacy–my daughter, my sister, my nieces and precious friends. They are women I count on. They are strong, confident, gracious, and joy-filled women who remind me of her.
Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” and to insight, “You are my relative.” Proverbs 7:4 NIV
I'm praying for you as you cope with the loss of your mom. Remember her and thank God for His glorious gift!
- In the comments, share a favorite memory of your mom.
- If you’re dealing with the loss of your mom this Mother’s Day as Mitzi is, share your mom’s legacy and how you plan to celebrate her in the comments.
- Then let’s all join together by praying for moms mentioned in the comments and everywhere.
I, too, celebrated Mother's Day while mourning her. She had been gone 21 years, but there are days, like this, that feel like it's only been a few months. I try to honor my mother by remembering these things about her and try to emulate them: quiet strength and dignity, grace and gracefulness, loving and loved, moral and just. And her mother and grandmother were the same. I am truly blessed to have had such women in my life.